Gambler's Hand

Cold nights

2012-01-18T07:44:00.000-08:00

"I lie on the left of this queen sized bed while facing the right side. Looking out at the window veiled by curtains, and seeing nothing but a glimmer of the skyscrapers' dim lights. He stands a one corner of the room, near the window.

I murmured, "If you never loved me, why play with my feelings then?"

Nothing but the gentle breeze is heard for a moment. He has no rebuttal to my contention. I continue lying down with my right hand extended in the event he wants to return.

"Just make sure you lock the door on your way out". It was an invitation to get the fuck outta here, except much much more subtle. Having these words blurted meant I have reached the point of return,where nothing can return to its original position, unscathed. O so I thought.

Taking gentle strides, I can hear him approaching the door located behind me. It was over, I thought to myself. Tiny torrents of emotional tears slid down my cheeks and wet the pillow which warms my head during this dark and chilly night.

Alas, I heard the knob of the door being locked and gently closed shut it went. I heard footsteps, but could not discern whether it meant he was moving away or coming closer. Is he going awa or is he coming closer?

I choose not to turn."

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2011-12-20T20:37:00.000-08:00

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Blood

2011-12-20T05:43:00.000-08:00

I remember when I was young, in primary school if I recall, I was out having a morning stroll with my grandfather in the wee hours of the morning at six o'clock. He was tall man with a slender built, and gave the prominent eyes that my mother has today. It is also very likely he passed his genes for height to my younger brother and I.

Sadly, I didn't get to know him that well. Part of that reason was the existance of a language barrier. What happened when I was younger was that my parents only taught us English, with minimal efforts to teach us Chinese, be it Mandarin, Cantonese or Hakka. He on the other hand knew Cantonese, Mandarin and Hakka being a first generation tin miner from China.

In the frigid foggy morning in Kampar we would walk side by side, walking with small strides. Mutual understanding estabished that walking is good for the body. Throughout the walk I would give him my boyish smile, acknowledging the fact that he was there by my side as well to break the somewhat awkward silence. We would walk up a hill path for about a 100 metres and he would show me a fresh mountain water source which I would drink shortly. Young and skeptical I placed my little hands in the flowing water source and drank it. Silly as it may sound the water tasted beautiful. It was crystal clear, fresh and tasted like anything but water. It was almost as if it was the nectar of the Gods!

As the bottom of the hill path, he shocked me by telling me this, "Walking is good for your blood circulation." Mentally, my jaw dropped to the Earth. Physically I did not exude such a reaction, instead kept an extremely solemn composure. All the while I hear him conversing in Chinese wih my family members as well as with the neighbours. It was amusing that deep inside he knew some English phrases up his sleeves. I later learned the importance of modesty and being earnest, and that somehow always reminded me of him.

Perhaps blood really is thicker than water; Family members can learn somehting from each other though they are seven decades apart in age.

Superficial Prejudice II

2011-11-06T06:55:00.000-08:00

Seems to have gotten to me; the idea of having that idealistic figure, that handsome face, doing whatever it takes to be cool.

Just yesterday I had two cigarettes. It comes to a surprise to many.

"You!? Smoke!? Nooooooooooo....!"

It's just two blardy sticks la you people. Perhaps I wanna look cool. Perhaps I'm too stressed. Whatever it is, it's an act which drew criticism from many, as of 6th November 2011, I've only ever had 5 sticks in my life. So what really.

Then on another unrelated note, I don't have to be sooo jealous of 'fit' people. Compared to "some":

I don't need to watch my diet 24/7, that is I won't curse myself for the Cheese Naan I just nibbled.

I don't need to take protein supplements which are pricey and can loss sudden muscle mass loss if not taken consistently.

I know what the meaning of "Inception" is.

I know how to pronounce "rendezvous" and "Louis Vuitton".

I don't pretend to talk about the contents of a book when I haven't even read it yet to impress a chick.

I can talk without sounding like a typical dumb jock.

I can actually sing and act, i.e. show emotion, when some people are more worried about their nose dislocating.

Lastly, I don't think that people will come fawning for me if I have a hot bod :)

Superficial Prejudice

2011-10-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

In the most general of retrospects, one would be labelled as superficial if he/she likes a person who is physically attractive, no? Would it also make me superficial if I wanted to buff up by going to the gym if I wanted to get noticed? Would it be unfair for me to say all physically hot guys are air heads? Would it also mean that intelligent, smart, philosophical people have below average physical features?

We strive to achieve balance of the mind and body on a daily basis but tend to lean too much on only one side that the other lacks the attention it deserves. I guess I'm not giving the other side the attention it deserves, but I like expanding my mind with a good book comparing to lifting weights. And most people shape up for the sake of looking good and garnering attention in the process. I dare thee to refute this point.

So, if I make an effort to buff up,will I get noticed?

Malicious Rumours, Malicious Intent

2011-09-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

There have been malicious rumours spreading about a friend and I lately. The rumour involves the both of us enquiring what makes "X" so special?

Both of us got to know of this from a reliable source. And the top of my head lies three possible suspects in the rumour creation. Two of which are the masterminds, and one of them is the unfortunate marionette.

In the end, people who start malicious rumours should go to Hell. Die in a car crash, get stabbed by a robber, I'll be dancing on your grave.

They should die in the given ways as rumours can taint a reputation, and weightiness it carries on was life is enormous. Hence, the cause of death should be equally as brutal. Call me cruel, but understand that speech has more leverage than a sword these days (mediators are just as powerful if not stronger than swordsmen).

It's not to late to apologize. Please do so before I curse for worse things than Lucifer can imagine.

"Don't believe rumours unless you know it's true. Don't spread rumours unless you know it's true. Do any of the above and consider yourself a motherfucking ignorant fool (like most people on the face of this Earth are)."

Love is in Danger

2011-08-12T13:24:00.000-07:00

Listening to : Deltadance.com (from Para Para Paradise 2), Love is in Danger (from Initial D)

Recently introduced to goodreads.com by a certain Ho Sheau Huey :P This got me rummaging through the books I have and attempted to make a list of books I have actually read. And that's not many o.0

It did get me to pick up The Time Traveller's Wife where I left off. Watch the movie I have, but the original books have always been more detailed and engaging, and I'm half-way through this particular book. It does get me wondering, if I can find a person like Claire, who has been waiting for Henry all her life and loving him almost unconditionally, as though as they were connected by an invisible tether.

I wonder if words like "I Love You" carry weight or relevance in today's ever-changing world. The world has become more promiscuous than it was a decade ago, and I'm not going to admit that I'm a saint, but I am hoping to have someone utter these words to me and mean it, in hopes this happens soon.

But love can never be rushed, and it gets me thinking on how much time, energy and money was wasted on unproductive dates, as though as it didn't matter. Just a word of advice would be, don't look for me if you're looking for wash-board abs, super duper handsome face or a sugar daddy.

May my love be true, but Love is in Danger.

Shape Up

2011-06-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

And I quote and modified, "no one will physically think you are charming on first impression if you end up looking like a Pillsbury Dough Boy".

Random fact: I get pissed when mentioned or commented about how 'fat' or 'round' i look. Probably one of the only thing on this planet that can get on my nerves. On a similar note, wouldn't a lot of people be considered shallow if they were to only seek those with nice bodies/ good looking features? People would be contradicts if they said that 'your appearance doesn't matter, only inner beauty counts'. Puh-leaz, would anyone give someone like Susan Boyle a second look if she were a random person on the streets? (no offence, I love her music, and using her as an example that beauty is only skin deep further reinforces the point I am trying to get across)

In the end, no one really wants to cuddle with a lump of lipids.

Whatever it is, time to shape up. Stop giving myself excuses!

Dream Journal - Of Card Games and an Old Friend

2011-06-18T23:43:00.000-07:00

Was teaching my mother how to play Monopoly Deal. We were sitting on a table arrangement simliar to the one in Setia Alam. The backgroud was very similar to the Electric Chapel and Market in Lady Gaga’s Judas MV. Telling that you can only play 3 cards per turn. She played banked in 3 cards as cash. Then a dude in a blue t-shirt approached me as I was sitting down, and told me a friend of his knows me. Looking further into the distance at another table was an old friend who I have not met in a long time. Oh my, it has been a while since I’ve talked/communicated with him man!

Analysis: Funny thing is my Mum never plays board games with us, the only time she did play with my bro and I was when we were playing checkers and my mum was teaching us how to play it right.

Perhaps, I need to reconcile and make an effort to talk to him again? We used to be close friends, but we somehow drifted apart.

Anonymous // Government Hooker

2011-06-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

Let's look at a short glance of what has been happening: The Government chooses to censor 10 file sharing sites in Malaysia. Say they really are competent enough to 'curb' piracy. They forgot that these file sharing sites are also used to store information or files that they wish to share with other users especially if its a huge file, for business or personal reasons. And this is completely legal.

So the question the beloved Government needs to answer is whether they will ban things if it causes harm. They might as well ban the riding of motorcyles since it causes so many damn accidents every year and ban violent video games since they 'pollute the minds of children'.

Anonymous has my support, hands down. He made a move that will have the Government think twice before legislating anymore nonsense again. Anonymous probably thinks the way I do; censorship of such sites, is taking away our freedom. How much longer do we need to succumb to ideas of Government rationales? (Don't get me started with the cases of Yoga ban among Muslims, banning Valentines, banning poco-poco dance, and the recently new establishment of the ridiculous OWC to shape and mold first class prostitutes)

I'm glad someone like Anonymous stepped up, for too long you and I become 'government hookers', we pay them (in the form of tax), yet, we get f*cked by them in the end with nonsensical explanations and legislations. A by-election, please.

Make You Feel My Love

2011-06-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

The first time I heard 'Make You Feel My Love' was the cover version by Kelly Clarkson in 2008 I think, it's only recently 13th June 2011, where I decided to listen to Adele's version, and my, did it send chills to my bones. I like the way she sings it, how she pines for another that will have feelings for her as well.

Well it's not like I can choose and have control over whomever I fall in love with. Things go out of hand, people fall in love with bad boys, instead of me; the good boy. The goody two-shoes who abide by the rules, or in informal malay, skema. Which also meant I used to hold on very strongly to morals, and heroic values, and was naive to think that everything is based on merit, which meant that I was sure someone would like me right? And how wrong I was. How devastated I was upon discovering that the world was twisted that true "Law & Order" did not exist. 'Bad boys', especially those who bear a gangsta demeanor or are the class clowns seem to be more attractive to members of the opposite sex, which befuddled me a huge deal. It made me realise that no one would be attracted to a nerd, a geek. Or a person, who ALWAYS sticks to moral high ground, and follows the rules all the time. I guess I tried to be 'cooler'. Whether it was successful or not remains a shrouded mystery.

Then there are those who wish to cut all ties and connections from you it seems, and choose to disappear from your life even when they consciously know that you harbour feelings for them.

On a completely unrelated note:
Lady Gaga's Judas is a song about forgiving your betrayer and yet falling in love with bad boys oer and over again. Nuff said, nay sayers who claim this song as 'blasphemous'. PUH-LEASE! I wouldn't mind listening to your opinion on the song/video, especially reasons why you dislike it.

Marry The Night

2011-06-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

Haven't been blogging as regularly as I should. the following will be random rants. Hmmm, well, here it goes... (not like anyone cares)

It's not like I want to give up on love, but it seems money (or lack there of) is becoming an obstacle when I go dating. How much do I need to spend to go for a single date. About RM15 goes to movie tickets, RM 20 goes to lunch and what not mistc. costs (transport) amounts to RM50 a date average. It's not tat I'm stingy, just at the he present moment and time, I do not own the capacity to spend so much per date. Does finding my true love have to be so pricey?

Which brings up an idea: BUDGET DATING! :P what if we had webcam dates? At least with that, then you won't have to be so pissed if the date went wrong and you save the cash used for dating!

Another thing is the time and emotions you pour into a date which may bloom to a relationship sometimes. Sometimes, the time and effort you invest just won't pay off, so why bother? If you don't give a sh*t, why da fark should I? If you are going to send only ONE text per day, you might as well not. IF mutual affection DOES exist, then you would reply me constantly, updating me about your day, or at least telling me new things about you I never knew before.

bukannya ape, it would be really nice if I find someone who doesn't mind declaring me as their 'man'

Or shall I just marry the night?
For the moonlit night will not betray me,
For all that is evil and creeps in the dark will be my wife,
And lustering stars will be the proof of my marriage,
As well as iridescent children
In the dark of the night, I ask myself, "must I write?"

adverts! :D

2011-05-21T09:04:00.001-07:00

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http://says.my/wilsonwong/bb-messenger

For those who mind, matter, and for those who matter, mind

2010-10-05T20:38:00.000-07:00

Well the post is as such - for those mentioned in the 'title'. I am having a break from class till 1pm, class ended at 9am.

*SPOILERS TO KH:BBS AND KH II AHEAD*

Finished Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep (the game took me from 16th Sep 2010 till 27th Sep 2010, to complete three storylines, and unlocking the secret ending: Blank Points) Now, I'm quite an avid fan of the series, (alongside my friend who is a BIGGER fan), and I found that Birth By Sleep was quite above average. Nothing 'fantastic' really, owing to the storyline. Why do I say this?

Well, prequels of any main series have (and will always be) been known to be notorious as the 'fill in the gap' and hence 'do a lot of patchwork' to cover loopholes to the series' main story. Birth by Sleep was no exception in my opinion. It did give light and reasoning to how Riku and Kairi were able to wield Keyblades by Kingdom Hearts II, however I thought the reasoning for why Ven looked like Roxas was flimsy, of all the Toms, Dicks and Harry's out there, Sora was the one to 'answer the call to Ven'

A typical Deux Ex Machina, if you ask me, the lead character being able to do ANYTHING, since he's 'special'.

Well, there are pros too of course, such as the versatility of commands you have in this game is rather immense! From typical attacking, to finishers, to deck commands, to shot locks, to command styles. Story wise is decent, its different compared to many games as each character goes to different places at different times, but of course in the end they all reunite. I enjoyed Final Episode and Blank Points too, albeit, like mentioned before, was filled with plot hole patching.

Moving on, I'm planing to start Persona 3 Portable, but I really should finish my exams first before even thinking about it, I truly enjoyed games by Shim Megami Tensei (SMT), i.e. Persona series, Digital Devil Saga series, and Devil Summoner, as it truly beats the crap out of common RPG with realistic characters as well as cleverly designed plots.

An avid gamer I am, not sure if can be classified as hardcore gamer or not though, lol, but those who know me long enough know bout my gaming habits somewhat lol

How To Save A Life - The Fray

2010-09-30T05:01:00.000-07:00

Those who know me, know I love Lady Gaga, but of course, I do like other artists to, particularly, The Fray. I wanted to make a post about The Fray's How To Save A Life eons ago, but procrastinated up till now. The music video was intended to be about how the singer wanted to help a troubled teen, but couldn't due to invisible barriers, one of them being the reluctance of the child who refused aid to solve his/her problems.

However, the song is left rather open for interpretation. So, what I did was that I collected random excerpts that appeared in the music video, supposedly, the ones appearing in bold, are random quotes, supposedly struggles within themselves, the rest suggests that it it method of 'how to save a life', here it goes (in order of appearance):

LISTEN

8. HOLD STILL

DAD

MOM

15. let it GO

36. DON’T BE scared of DEATH

LAUGH

18. Talk to someone

45. Touch

BREATHE

22. CRY

23. ACCEPT

I’m not good enough

Fear

RELEASE

HAVE FAITH

SURRENDER

release the fear

1. LOVE

*secure

86. OPEN UP

11. Remember

99. SAY GOODBYE

*'secure' was rather ambiguous, as it appeared on the screen and was not written but appeared as a label on a brand, (supposedly a brand of a musical instrument?)

I love this video, it encompasses the essence of struggles within humans and people with heart felt emotions (i.e. a sense of realism in people). Having emotions that make you feel down should not be something that we should be ashamed of, as it naturally manifests each of us from time to time.

It's okay to be not okay =)

Fallin' In and Out

2010-09-07T05:56:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a month since the last post, some updates:

I lost my laptop
Had crushes - only to realise they don't feel the same way =/
Just finished trials and most of ot was screwed up >.<

Life's a bitch ain't it?

Yesterday (6/9/2010) I fell for someone for who had a boyfriend. I know my brain says I shouldn't, but heart says otherwise, this is bad, and goes wayyyyyyy outta line. Today (7/9/2010), I sort of dated someone and in the cinema, we sorta held hands, and I felt a head leaning on my shoulder. But, after the show, it seemed as though as that felt nothing to the said individual. I asked of prospects of us in the future, but seemed like a negative feedback to me. I flirted and hinted that I wouldn't mind being a boyfriend to the said individual, and hinted that i had some feelings. SOME. A lil.

But, from this individual side, who claims not event a hint of attraction sort of brought me down a bit. Maybe it will take time to develop. Just maybe? Or, maybe this person just ain't interested at all.

UGH I GIVE UP

Then, things like these fill yourself with plenty of self doubt; am I not good-looking enough? Or perhaps, I do not fulfill the 'measures of a man', I don't know, I'm pretty confused.

Or maybe it's not time yet? A tarot card reaader once predicted I shall find my soulmate at the age of 23 and get married at the age of 27. I will never know if it's true, I'd be a monkey's uncle if it does come true though.

I guess maybe, sometimes i yearn for companionship, waking up with a lover in my arms, etc. and jazz like that. To an extent, I could even be labelled as desperate.

Oh, and I learned a quote from a songin Step Up 3D today: It's okay to not be okay

Her

2010-08-12T22:20:00.000-07:00

I know its like its your birthday tomorrow, and for some reason I just stumbled upon your blog, and read the earliest post, which was like... a few months after we broke up? Due to certain circumstances, I could not access your blog at that time, and there was no internet connection at my home. It's almost 3 years now, and when I look back at that, I really feel stupid. I feel like a jackass 'cause I hurt you THAT much, if let's say I changed my mind, and took back all those words, would things be different now? Perhaps... and perhaps not.

For one, you're a lil high maintenance girl, and no way in Hell could I have given you luxury even if we we're still together. You would be deprived of a rather posh lifestyle, while (at that time) I could only materialistically give you so little. IF we were still together, I would feel bad that I can't fulfill that part of your needs, in addition to giving you the emotional part of me (i.e. love).

Least now, you've found someone who could somewhat fill in that aspect which I couldn't. But if in any case he breaks your heart, I'll punch 'em.

I wish you well, my 'baby', my first high-school love.

(Damn, I really need to move on. )

Maybe, I myself am not ready to immerse myself into a relationship, at that time at least, I guess.

The Back // The Face

2010-08-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

The Back
=======

I look at her back, a strong woman going forward. I always listen to her, for her words are pure and convincing as though as its absolute. She leads the way and I'm to follow her. Admire her I do, love her maybe. For I know, love shall be unrequited, but I still need her guidance. Her heart is with another. For far to long, I look at her back.

(This is an excerpt written in the shoes of another man)

The Face
======

Elaborating further on prima facie, which is in my opinion would be the physical face-to-face first impression one might give you. Another form of first impression would be by 'hear-say', i.e. I know this guy from debating, or I know this girl from the Cheerleadersor even a rather public figure for that matter. Other first impressions include by 'pictures', 'telephone voice', 'texting', etc.

To futher classify, would be by stimulus:

Sight - physically face-to-face, pictures
Hearing - telephone voice
Touch - accidental/intentional bumping

Post first impression:

Personality - Texting, etc

Under personality, loads of things can happen, and this is the one that normally ensues after first impression which gives us more insight on what the person is like.

Note that texting style is not the ultimate way to gauge a person (heck, sometimes, this is insignificant to the bones)

Inception - An Idea

2010-07-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

Inception - The Movie
===============
Inception was such an effing awesome movie that I would feel low for not writing about it at least. About the movie:

- to an extent packed with philosophy and requires some thinking to fully get the movie
- relates to what I do when I have a dream, and I write a Dream Journal.
- plot-juicy
- A team made of a leader, a chemist, a tactician, a shapeshifter (somewhat), a dream architect, and a Japanese man LOL

Terms that I may add to my daily vocabulary *wink* 9from my view point/understanding):
Stimulus - The stimulating item to initiate a kick
Kick - sensation of falling or a sharp jolt that will make you awake
Projection - Units of one's subconsciousness which behave like a white blood cell when dreamer is provoked (removes foreign objects i.e. dreamers from the system)
Limbo - place/state of oblivion
Mr. Charles - an operation to convince one who is in a dream to go one level lower into the dream state
Totem - a personal item (a top, dice, or chess piece) which supposedly is suppose to help one discern reality from a dream. (But that being said, whoever said that we are not living a dream?

Inception - An Idea

==============

Perhaps I'll try reading this elsewhere, but for now, I'll just refer to it as "Wilson's Theory" =P

Theory of Fatal Attraction - This form of attraction is infatuation, a sensation of emotionally falling for somebody (and interestingly) while barely knowing the target you are attracted by.

Seemingly by prima facie (face value or appearance at first sight), one can fall deeply attracted to the said target. And this is considered 'fatal' as you only know so little and see this person at first glance.

After the prima facie stage, a person can move to further feel more attracted to the person by getting to know him/her more, feel rather neutral about the person (i.e. she/he is not so hot as I initially thought) or even upon close inspection (physical and attitude-wise), is not your cup of tea. At all.

Attraction

2010-07-21T04:39:00.000-07:00

Haven't posted in a while. The inspiration for this post was from the XxX article in the local Star Newspaper, and really got me thinking.

Attraction - E.M.O.T.I.O.N. (Part I)
==========================

Attraction is funny in a way that it can cause us to like someone a LOT without even without knowing anything about the person at all. And this is what I think is a kin to if not synonymous to infatuation. Mutual infatuation would be the basis of a stable/proper relationship between two people. And as easily one can fall for a person, and sometimes it is just as easy to forget them.

Perhaps all this while I've always been infatuated by another person, who may not feel the same. Hence maybe I should take the advice of simply forgetting this person, if signs of evasion/avoidance/disinterest start to arise. Heck, shall I not love again?

"Infatuation" - Infatuation by Maroon 5

Attraction - Laws of Attraction (Part II)

==========================

The critically acclaimed book by Rhonda Byrne, The Secret drew many forms of criticism, good and bad.

I'm sorry, to people whom I lied to, and claimed that I have read The Secret, where I haven't, only because I wanted to "fit in" and have a common topic to talk about. I do know the summary, regarding the Law of Attraction.

To me, the idea of sunshine 24/7 is rather idealistic. You can pray all you want, hope all you want, and work your ass of so much, yet, sometimes you do not achieve what you aimed for. Though persistence is the key to success, one thing that has GOT to go hand-in-hand, which is TALENT is guess.

Perseverance without talent, is like knocking your head against the wall in hopes of producing a hole in the wall, but instead, you end up with a whiplash injury without even reducing the mass of the wall by barely 0.1% yet. A silly example used by Fly.fm was also ridiculous, "chase your dreams, i.e. singing, even if you sing like a frog". This would refer to my head banging example. Therefore, please for the sake of good grace of God, persevere in something you have TALENT in.

Godhand // Out Of Passion // Obsession

2010-06-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

Godhand
Think of Chen's ultimate in DotA, think of Rikku's final weapon in Final Fantasy X or think of craftiness of His Holiness

God does miracles, I'll give you that, with His hands, things; awesome and not-so-awesome events happen.

Really, yesterday, a chain of events made me so pissed and everything, and then Destiny's Play decided to lead me to strike up a conversation with someone interesting on MSN messenger, and at the same time, I got to clear the air between myself and another guy whom I initially thought had something against me.

Out Of Passion, Heartbeat, Heartbreak
Whether one regards the above statement as "due to"/" because of" passion or exhausting it is totally up to one's view. You said so yourself. So I guess I have to be more careful next time, and not to fall for someone who does things because one is "in the spur of the moment".

My heart beats, and my heart breaks. Guess that's ordeals I gotta face, or maybe shut people out, till I can really love again.

"I'll never love again" - Lady Gaga in Speechless.

Appetite//Obsession
Well, it's not a secret that I love eating, and I can eat A LOT, as much as my younger brother, who is thinner than I am anyways. Let's just say both of us can derive the most utility from a round of buffet ;D

But, is there really such thing as eating too much good food? What I like to do during dinner when I'm out, is have at least a plate of plain stir-fried vegetables as an 'add-on'. Can't seem to understand why some people can eat so little, or maybe 'cause I'm still maturing and growing LOL

Hypocrites.

2010-06-14T02:59:00.000-07:00

Had a so-called holiday for 4-and-a-half days owing the fact that AS exams finished on Wednesday, 2pm (9th june 2010 - 13th june 2010), this aint enough!!

Time table
=======
The new time table was shocking really. For me, it's so freaking packed!!! Due to the subject combination I'm taking (Math, Physics, Bio, Econs), I have little to no break time for me to even have lunch.

Choices
=====
Now, the pressure and stress is really getting into my head. I'm seriously thinking of dropping a subject, from 4 subjects to 3 subjects. Any advice?

Hypocrites & the like
===============
Beginning to realise, more and more people around us are plastic and fake.

This particular example, is of this person I know, let's call him Q. His principles include friends over dates. Or so he claims. But he himself recently breaks it and gloats about it how the date (let's call the date R) was fantastic, when he knows his close friend, S likes the R. And Q did the date quietly behind S's back, and begins to boast and gloat about it, even to the extent of showing off the texts between Q and R to S.

An ass ain't he? And the *best* part is he doesn't feel any remorse whatsoever, and seems glad to be sleeping around with another person's interest.

Q doesn't take 100% of the blame though, IMO. R also shares the the blame for just letting it happen, and S too, for not taking any initiatives to make the first move.

So who is to blame? I'm probably sound biased and say Q, but I have reasons to justify. What say you?

Always Be My Baby

2010-06-07T05:22:00.000-07:00

Always Be My Baby - made famous by Mariah Carey, also sung by David Cook

It ends.

But you'll always be a part of me, though it was somewhat a form of unrequited love. Time can't erase this feeling I have. Time may cause it to slowly diminish, but it will not be erased, nor will it die.

Comes a time when I need to stop pining for something I will never attain. But if I tried harder, then perhaps love will come with a reply one day.

Once again, the over-friendly gestures from you, I perceived it as gestures of affection. This has to stop.

As much as you'll always be my baby, I will never hear your heart play this song. =/

I just haven't met you yet =)

The Final and Last Straw//Dream

2010-06-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, I do indeed realise it's less than 24-hours since my last post, but, what the heck =P

Last Straw

I've had it up to my neck, and had the last straw for many things, including my housemate (who shares the same bathroom) who

i) Doesn't give a flying fuck regarding the condition of the bathroom (he can still bathe with all that grime and filth, leaving me in charge to clean it, seeing whe doesn't give two sh*ts about cleanliness)
ii) More often than not, he forgets to unlock the door for my side, causing a LOT of trouble for me, by either asking him open the door or forced to use the bathroom downstairs because he is not around.
iii) This motherf*cker takes no liberty whatsoever to do whatever he has to do in the morning quietly, EVERY GOD DAMN F*CKING MORNING, he'll gargle and spit out sputum in the most grotesque way that I can't remain asleep after hearing it.

WHERE ARE YOUR GOD DAMN MANNERS!? I'm so eager to wait for him to leave or I end my studies here in PJ, (considering this room I got, is for a rather decent rate. I have address matter num. ii) to him, and lately the number of times i have to swear for having the door unexpectedly locked has reduced significantly (but still happens nonetheless)

This MOFO doesn't have my personal contacts of any form, so I can be quite assured he wo'nt read this rantings. It's rather amazing how some people can live with filth their whole life.

Last Item

Yesterday, I purchased the Final Fantasy Monster Vol.1 series in Mid Valley, and purchasing the display one, because they were out of stock. And for the price I'm paying, they had better have all the parts intact, or I'd be charged for sodomizing them.

And earlier in the morning I ran out of all-ever-so-handy CIF(JIF), a brand of toilet cleaner, and the sundry shop had one last one on display, and I was forced to take that or the over-priced one in 7- ll. Then, I used it to clean the grime that the MOFO refuses to clean.

Short End of the Stick

Waking up this morning was rather different.

It's as though as I'm beginning to understand more and more that the relationship I crave for ain't gonna happen, at least not with this person. And hence that also inevitably led me to feel less desperate, and perhaps now, I'll wait for a text this time instead, just to see if I'm more than just a friend/fling. Simply enough, if you think of me, you'll text, if you don't, then I don't receive your text.

Sounds like I',m getting the short end of the stick, when it comes to being delegated with someone who Cupid arranges. Once again, maybe Destiny's Play wants me to walk alone a little longer, not that it's sad being single and all, but at least, I get my much valued private time to myself without compromising for the time spent with another.

The Final - A Lucid Dream

It was very weird, the dream last night. Basically it was about myself touching the heart of a mother, because I dated her child, which supposedly no one else wants to date. The child was fine appearance wise, but seems there is a catch to it, for example, a spoiled attitude and whatnot. So I was chatting with the mother who was a very bubbly woman, stocky but seemed to be walking on sunshine for as long as she lived. We came about to talk about politics, strangely. But at the same time, when talking with her, for reasons unknown I felt malice growing in her heart, from her body language, they way she looked at me. Also, and the moment I felt malicious intent, I grinded my teeth, and like many of the dreams I had, the grinding of my teeth were so real, that I could feel my teeth falling off due to excessive grinding. And the dream ends.

What I could analyze from the dream, was the discussion of politics, similar to the one I had with you the other night. At the same time, I tend to have mild lucid dreaming capabilities which I keep in memory, in addition to recurring dreams and dreams which feel so real..

Hmmm, perhaps, I could submit a dream journal as part of my future blog posts? =P

Promise I'll be Kind

2010-06-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

And yes, I have returned from my "hiatus", if you may call it, not that I was dry of inspiration to write or anything, it's just that I felt more personal stuff should be kept to my self, and my alternate psyche, my diary, which may be known as The Diary.

On to the post,

"Promise I'll be kind" - Paparazzi by Lady Gaga

I've been a pretty nice guy (if I must say), but now after giving deep thought about it, is it worth being nice to EVERYONE? To an extent, even, to be perceived as soft and/or soft-spoken, just because, I feel that I'm polite, especially to people whom I've just only met.

Kindness is the basis of Buddhism, or so they say.Can there be too much kindness and compassion spreading and reaching out to people you may know, or not know?

Do you deserve the kindness which I treat you with? Or somehow rather, you prefer rough guys with the bad boy image who act no less of the image as well? I cannot be what I'm not, and 'role-playing' an evil character just to nail a date I want would be akin to lying because that's not the real me. Then I would have to come to another consensus with myself that perhaps by being the nice guy, and treating people well ain't gonna get you a date/laid. It's always been the case around us, hasn't it? Or perhaps the people I've met want a macho guy with muscular pecs, a bad-ass scar tattoo who'd treat them like their bitch in bed? I don't know. You tell me.

You say you do not want to be alone anymore, telling me things like you don't want to die a lonely death, and emo-ing about how you may die alone.
That doesn't have to happen. We may have only just met, but if you allow, I can be the one who walks by your side as you stride in the 'journey' we call 'life'. To an extent, I don't hold a degree in psychology, but I can tell how uncomfortable you may feel when I express my feelings in public especially as well as feeling uneasy about the certain interests I take.

It's fine, we've only just met. Perhaps I'm really rushing it. Or perhaps, like how a reaction of vinegar and baking soda bubbles before it subsides and dies - the chemistry we had was short lived. Or perhaps, you need someone kinder, or even, someone less kind.

Maybe, like Rihanna you want a rude boy or a Chris Brown in your life.

Yours truly,

Heartwrecked Wilson

Piece of my Mind - Face of an Angel

2009-12-16T10:24:00.000-08:00

"I have come to terms that the only reason why 'movie magic' is a term coined so, is 'cause it is magic that happens only in the movies." - Myself

"I have come to consensus with myself that perhaps there is no such thing as 'True Love' in this world. Platonic love exist perhaps, but not the fabled 'True Love'" - Myself

An interesting poem I'd love to share with all, from From the book Magic: Dissension (3rd Ravnica Cycle) :

Don't say I have a face of an angel,
'Cause it's such an easy thing to do.
I would never want the face of an angel,
Nt after seein' what an angel goes through.

-Face of an Angel, by Shonya Bale, the Balladrix of tin Street

GSD (NOT German Shepherd Dog) // Pokerface

2009-12-13T06:25:00.000-08:00

Massive update!

4th – 7th Dec
==============

Went to the Great Serdang Debate (GSD)

And broke the the finals again… as an adjudicator!

Our team did well, (Don and Julius), (Reena and Naga) and (Max and Ranjani) all broke into the quarter-finals, Don and Julius made it to the semi-finals. In the end, Kathleen and I broke into the finals as adjudicators.

There were adjudicating problems here and there according to team, and I got a f*cking shock when I heard the Best Speaker (of the non-breaking team) award announced. Almost fainted.

On the final night, we mingled around with the high school kids from Sri Permata, played Mafia and whatnot. And no, don’t stare at me like a pedophile, although I admit I enjoyed spending time with them (They were like in the age group of 13 years-16 years???)

10th Dec – 12th Dec
===================

Went to Kampar on 10th , Cameron on 11th, Genting on 12th … Freaking tiring trip. Practically lived in the car. @.@

Kampar (Perak) – Reached about 7pm. Went to our favourite place for claypot chicken rice.

Cameron – Came here with aunt and cousin. Went to the strawberry farm and tried out Strawberry Strudel, Strawberry Mousse and Chocolate-coated strawberry. Yummies.

Went to pick cherry tomatoes in the farm. Had the opportunity to pick a horse radish from the soil (seriously, the size of this whopper puts the ones we have normally in supermarkets to shame @.@)

We also had boiled Cameron corn (Which is pretty darn good!)

Genting – I sooooooooo wanted to sing Lady Gaga’s Pokerface as I went to Genting. Went to the casino for the first time XD (not sure whether the legal age is 18 or 21, bah, who cares masuk only la XD) And I went in practically unnoticed. Yay. Was once commented on how I looked like a 21-year old @.@ So yeah, I look mature XD But unfortunately, my brother got caught, and he forgot his IC *face smack*

So end up, I got a brief tour of the casino then teman my bro to the arcade. We found a few machines that could give 100-ish in one go =D but unfortunately, we lacked the *skills*

~Extra tickets that we forgot to exchange ._.~

Eventually we collected 300+ tickets and exchanged it for a bag, and given a pink whistle (of all colours, why pink? Apparently, it’s the only colour they have ._.) and postcard. Summor the guy who gave it to us was damn rude.

Me: I want that brown bag

Him: This one?

Me: No the other one *points clearly this time*

Him: This one izzit? (losing patience)

Me: Yeah.

*He picks up the bag and smacks it on the table*

First of all, as a customer we have a right to choose the item we want. Secondly, he was very rude and just *smacked* the bag on the table. Bah, won’t bother complaining t consumer rights (he probably wants to earn a quick buck from the part time there)

13th Dec
==========

Went shopping for clothes for prom, my bro needs to buy the whole set, while I just need shoes, saw this lala-ish shirt (but rather nice), but its TOO SMALL.

~The lala shirt i wanted to wear but was too tight ><~

This is what I hate bout shopping for clothes. The clothes I want are never my size, that goes the same for shoes (I’m a freakin’ size 10/11 with wide feet) Why can’t they tailor fashionable clothes for larger people like me!??!? Ish.

Prom, here I come.

Signing out,
A rather fashionable Wilson.

End Semester, Begin Debate

2009-12-03T06:59:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow will officially be the mark of the end of our semester, and also beginning for GSD (Great/Grand Serdang Debate) in UPM. Excited and nervous at the same time!

Diarrhea subsided (thank goodness) just in time for the competition. Lately I've been judging incorrectly? My decision seem to contradicts with everyone else's decision. Regardless, I need to learn to be more stern with my decision and be more assertive. Hopefully I won't make such a fool of myself during GSD.

It's been a while I haven't done a Tarot reading perhaps I'll do it. (Hence the magical insignia picture above ;P)

Signing off,
A nervous Wilson

ill

2009-12-01T22:19:00.000-08:00

1st Nov
======
Woke up with diarrhea, tried to drink 100plus then took 'teck aun' traditional pills which is suppose to work wonders for diarrhea. Eventually vomited the whole thing out, including the bread i just consumed. ._.

Ok, I'm quite sure I'm getting ill, began to develop headache and felt fever-ish. Crap. I so can't go to class today ><, oh well, today is only 1hour of Physics and Biology each, so I won't miss much. What a day to get sick.

God, are you punishing me for the post yesterday about Bleeding Love? Or am I just being punished for the food I taken the day before which was:

-soy milk for breakfast
-porridge
-mixed rice with veggies and chicken
-chocolate brownies
-sushi at sakae sushi

my bet would obviously be the last one ._. stupid raw fish >< Rvie suggested it could be stale X(

Right before going to the clinic, did a 5-sphere tarot reading on health and bloordy hell wouldn't you knew it, i drew 7 pentacles (depicts a man waiting for a tree to bloom) i.e. patience! EEESH, some help that is! with this illness of course im expected to wait and let myself heal ._.

Went to the doctor, the journey there was hellish. Imagine walking to the nearest clinic1km away with a headache, fever, wind in stomach and trying my very best to tahan purging and vomitting in the middle of the road >< I ended up in two children's clinic before finding a general clinic in damansara uptown >< RM 50 for the visit, bloordy hell ._.
Gave me a jab for better absorption, she jabbed my BUTT. OUCH. it became numb. it still hurts till now ._. (the next day)

Took my medication with a cup of Milo and bread and slept off after that.

2nd Nov
======
Woke up at 9am - feeling much better than the day before, butt still feels kinda numb ._.

Signing out,
A numb Wilson

Bleeding Love // Bad Romance

2009-11-30T08:28:00.000-08:00

As suggested from the title, yeah, I am heart-broken. On and off, I get heart-broken when I remember of times when it could have been, or it cannot be.

The relationships I went through include a lot of up and downs, but one of the key factors that caused my relationships (as well as most other people in the past) to not work is:

- lack of commitment from either one or both sides.

- destiny's play and Cupid just did not favour your love together.

- one side just wants to play safe and *try it out* perhaps.

- feelings were never there in the first place

- and even if feelings are there, some people lose those feelings very easily.

Besides the *spark* and mutual attraction towards each other, a lil' bit of effort from BOTH sides should be seen.

It takes two to tango. It takes two to waltz. More often than not, I find myself dancing alone. It sure is fun to be free and dance to one's heart's content. However, somewhere along, you wish you could find someone else to dance with you with music that is meant for two. For me, my partners usually vanish immediately after, changing partners and dances with the next person in the ballroom.

This goes on, and I dance alone, perhaps for the rest of my life.

On the other hand, I've grown quite a bit. I thought at times that I might not need a partner as I grow older, I'll lower my expectations to satiate my heart's will. Sounds like a lonely miser in the making, but if Destiny's Play has decided that I walk alone for eternity (or till a waltzer stays by my side forever), so be it. Perhaps it is not meant to be.

Not only that, I learned to not expect too much from the person who could potentially be my soulmate/life-long partner. Reason being, that the less I expect, the less I get disappointed when a certain "guideline" enforced is not adhered to.

P.S. This is not intended to bitch about my ex. It is intended to give people insight to what I think Love is like and the flaws I'm trying to amend for the sake of Love

Signing off,

A broken-hearted Wilson

Words I live by, Words I don't live by

2009-11-24T06:54:00.000-08:00

"For reasons unknown, I get all fuzzy inside when I hear the word 'charity' It’s a good thing, right? " - Myself

"I just wanna be happy" - Happy by Leona Lewis

"You bleed just to know you're alive"- Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

Cravings & Indulgence

2009-11-23T07:18:00.000-08:00

Had a sudden craving to indulge in chocolate cake (for some unknown reason)
Well, there is no Secret Recipe or fancy bakery nearby so I settled for Berry's "American Chocolate" (staying in a rented room in PJ, so went to Berry's in Atria Shopping Centre)

*took a scoop and consumes it*

Wow, it's not as crappy as I thought XD as a matter of fact, for RM 3.90, it's actually quite nice. The cooking chocolate used was of good quality (not buttery like the poor quality ones). What sold me about this cake was the hint of bitterness from dark chocolate icing. It wasn't too bitter, nor was it only sweet, the bitterness was just right. In addition, the dark chocolate emitted a distinct bittersweet fragrance.

One drawback was the white chocolate disc as you can see in the picture above. It was obviously made of lower quality cocoa in addition to loads of butter in it.

I must say though, this slice of Berry's gives an eatery like Secret Recipe a run for its money!

Philosophy
=========

Humans tend to have indulgences and cravings, but of course it must be suppressed otherwise the demon of greed can consume one easily.

I fell victim to this demon a number of times, and I regret doing so. It not only further caused more complications later, it made me realize and think twice of what I'm actually using my money for.

I crave for a person to be able to hold my hand when I get old. Should I suppress such a feeling and call this being greedy?

Lady No More Gaga

2009-11-10T04:47:00.000-08:00

Lady No More Gaga - A pick-up line in Lady Gaga's Paparazzi video! Lurve this song/video to no end. It's very fresh/colourful when compared to many other videos out there these days. Reminds me much of Pink's U+Ur Hand, which is also a very colourful video.

I dunno, I guess I just love cool music videos =D

Week's getting hectic too, with physics test tomorrow and debate matter presentation tomorrow.

I've always love arts (be it singing, drawing, literature, writing) I won't really say I'm that talented, but I do think I do a darn good job in doing these things XD But sadly:

1) I can't dance to save my life (only on DDR unfortunately, being asian chinese and all *refer to russell peters jokes* XD)
2) MY CRAPPY RESULTS FOR ARTS IN SPM really brought me down. I haven't picked up a pen/brush for the sake of drawing/colouring in the past months =/

Lady No More Gaga?

Diary > Blog

2009-11-02T01:09:00.000-08:00

Hmmm, I think I've figured out why I don't blog that much!

Me thinks that most of what i think should indeed be kept private and personal. There are so few things that I would like to share publicly to people.

Most prolly cause I'm the kind of person who cherishes privacy and freedom =D

It's not like I'm not gonna blog anymore, just feel like doing it less, and updating my diary which is untouched for a while~ And yeah, I have a diary which somewhat exists XD

Suddenly feel like immersing myself into my *emotions* XD

Signing off,
Fusheng, The Feeler (=P)

The Parliament

2009-10-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

*A blog with no pics. All electronic devices were confiscated from 9am till 3.30pm grr*

At 8am we had Statistics, then at 9am we gathered in front of the Pre-u office to go to the Parliament! (unfortunately we had to surrender all our electronic devices e.g. phones, cameras and MP3 player to Mr. Oo as we were not allowed to bring such thingies)

Sang and played games in the bus XD i.e. twinkle twinkle little star XD

We arrived at 9.45am-ish, and waited. Apparently we could only go in at 11.00am. (Wasted more time). And as we wanted to enter, they let some school enter first *corrects self, apparently it is some college, and all were wearing uniform shirts and red blazers*

Being pissed aside, we finally got in. Aiman and I were like crammed sardines lah inside there. *ahem, long-legged people* Well, I would think sardines in a can move even more freely then we could =.=

Was generally boring, Sandakan rep. was boring like hell la. Was rather intrigued by Anuar Ibrahim's speech. Shortly after *drum rolls* Karpal Singh in a wheelchair came into the dewan Rakyat. Everyone was amazed (at least I was). Was so waiting for him to talk but we had to go off. And just as we leave one of the television broadcasts shows Karpal making a speech. We were all like wtf. (btw, Sandakan's rep. was so boring I almost fell asleep, but there are some others who actually slept *winkwink*)

*Which reminds me! Sepanggar's rep. was surfing the internet and tengok bola results. WTF, honestly, how do Malaysian politicians expect to get respected with an attitude like this, tengok bola results in parliament =.=*

We also took pictures around with Sasha's camera.

Then we went to 1Utama for lunch. At first decided for Burger King, but we kinda got lost! XD In the end decided to have McD lo. Had a filling meal, Filet-O-Fish, Fries, Reena's Fries, Sundae, and large coke heh.

Upon going back, found to people serenading (Eva and Trixia), and I just muka tebal like tat joined in and sang with them XD

Then at first thought got no Physics and Dipti and I decided not to go la. See see last minute Max wanna go then Dipti dragged me along also == Felt bad for Mr. Loo (been waiting for us to come back =/)

Went back, took a rest =)

Signing off,
A baffled Fu Sheng.

Great things start with "D" - Debating, DNA, Deepavali!

2009-10-18T09:17:00.000-07:00

1 week ++ worth of updates coming right up! (massive update!)

10th - 11th October (Saturday and Sunday)
-------------------------------------------------

UiTM IV was pretty tiring, but fun too!

The time managment for bouth the days out la, on the first day it was schedule to start at like 9-10am ish but ended up starting at 1-2pm ish @@

Our three teams (Don and Reena, Ranjani and Neville, Julius and Max) broke into the quarter finals, but alas was brought down by the likes of renowned names like MMU and IIU.. @@

And the best part was I was selected as a finalist adjudicator (judge) of UiTM IV 2009!!! Was frickin' excited la, o yeah, Naga and Kathleen made it as well, which means all three KDU adjudicators made it as finalists!

Great achievement for KDUDA.

~Group picture at the end of Day 2 at 11.00pm (yup, the competition ended that late)~

14th October (Thursday)
----------------------------

~Me in psycho mode in attempt to kill someone~

No la, didn't kill anyone XD (the knife was used to cut onions)
But wait, ONIONS? I'm doing Life Sciences, not Culinary Arts.
But alas, the onions we dice won't be used for eating/cooking. Instead, we'll be extracting DNA from it! (how cool is that =P)

~This is the proper use of the knife, to dice the onions! Chef Wilson in action ;P~

~Everyone *cooking* (letting the onion detergent solution warmed in a water bath)~

~Tadaa! DNA extracted from onions. Together, my partner of the day was Soo Qing (really generous of her to use her phone to take the pictures and her printer to print the DNA sample pictures XD ~

~This picture was taken by accident! Once upon a time, Fu Sheng fell in love with the DNA sample ~

~He then gives his love a kiss *End of DNA Love Story*~

~The top part is the chromosome (DNA) extracted. It looks cotton-ny and like noodle string-ish XD Thebottom part would be the remains of the onion that was. lol~

18th October (Sunday)
----------------------------

Reena's Deepavali Open House!

~Pics taken during the occasion~

Stuffed myself la at her house XD

Then, she was attending to kids there (relatives and neighbours), and were really friendly with them, like a MOTHER! *winkwink*

Then on and of there were fireworks from various places in Kajang/Semenyih (most likely from Kajang Prima lol) Enjoyed the cool breeze at her neighbourhood, and played a short game of the frog thingie XD

Then we went back quite early, around 10.00pm. Jean had cravings for Kajang Sate, so I led Jean, with her parents and Kathleen to Restaurant Malaysia! (One of Kajang's best Sate!) They also had duck flavour (I also orang Kajang also didn't know they *update* their menu one lmao), right after that, returned to my rented room in PJ.

21stOctober (Wednesday)
----------------------------

Wishes one happy b'day! hehe

Today was rather so-so.
Tiramisu and cream puff for breakfast! Tiramisu was WAY too creamy for my liking, but cream puff was just nice (the cream was soft and subtle, the way it should be =D)
Sinful but goooooooooooood

12.45pm - Went to buy a drink from the charity stall set up by the Leo Club, but unfortunately, no more cups D= Oh well.

Read up la, on Economic Sanctions and Myanmar, had lots of information, but not all could be absorbed immediately, oh dear.
During debate, I terribly underperformed. (Was it because I've adjudicated debates too mush I forgot how to debate properly? Nah, I hope not, at least ^^")

Going for a trip to the parliament tomorrow! Hopefully all will go well tomorrow and no stupid things will happen, heh.

Signing off,
The One And Only Wilson

Aftermath

2009-10-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your time today. I'm glad I cleared the air with you. I'm glad I came clean and honestly told you things I thought I couldn't. (I should deserve a certain level of credit for that AT LEAST lol). What makes me relieved even more is the fact of knowing that in the end things worked out, and we can still be friends, perhaps not as gaily and intimate as when were together, but still, for me, this current level of intimacy between you and me is enough.

Tears rolled down knowing that there is that glimmer of hope to salvage whatever is left. I didn't know why actually, whether it's because I'm happy we can still be friends or I know I probably can't ever embrace you intimately as I used to? I guess humans are most complex when it comes to the aspect of emotions and feelings.

Given the fact, we can still be casual friends, I'm amazed we can still talk even after the aftermath.

~The warmth of your hand on my cheek, and the pat on my head as though as I am a five-year-old will rest in abyss of my vast emotions for the rest of my life~

Signing out,
The Hopeful Wilson

Purpose

2009-10-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

Today, we did our Biology Practical involving enzymes, overall, quite fun =D

~Jane, my partner for the Biology practical~

~View 1 of results~

~View 2 of results (can see Angie behind!) lol~

Philosophy -

~I need a purpose, whether it comes on purpose or otherwise~

An insert from Gives You Hell (The All American Rejects) lyrics:

When you see my face hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell.
When you walk my way, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell.
If you find a man that's worth a damn that treat you well.
Then he's a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell.
Truth be told I miss you.
Truth be told I'm lying.

I've said harsh things to you. Some I mean, Some I don't. If really, you thought I was a close friend, then why did you let your lips touch mine? Would you let a close friend do that too? You mean more to me than that. You of all people should know. After what happened, you might never want to talk to me again.

Perhaps you needed me to understand you but I failed to do that. I lacked understanding what feeling what you would feel would be like. I'm sorry if I couldn't understand you, I wish you well, in finding that Mr. Right who might do it better than me.

Perhaps all the while I believed we could be, you gave me my purpose whether on purpose or otherwise. Without you, I've side-tracked on my purpose and walk this road with less "umph". For the time being, I'll latch on to something else which serves that purpose. Perhaps if destiny's play allow, you and I will find that purpose.

I hope you read this and hear what i mean to say.

You know who you are.

Lights & Lanterns

2009-10-04T07:31:00.000-07:00

3th October 2009

Went back to Perak over the weekend, went to Ipoh first then Kampar later.

I remember Mum telling me how important it is to stick with family and come back as often as we can. Grandma's still as lively although she can hardly move her legs. She was really happy when all of us could come back to see her =) (Also because Mooncake festival is so near her birthday =D) Enjoy the photos =D

~Pretty lanterns~

~Cam-whores! (featuring cousin and myself) ~

~My mum (with specs) my two aunts and grandma~

~My cousins (doing the peace sign, the small boy and wearing the green shirt) and nieces (the other two XD)~

~My cousin brother and I~

~And last, but not least, mooncakes that I made with Mum! Yes, you heard me right, *meknowhowtomakemooncakes* =D~

Life's A Cupcake

2009-10-01T10:10:00.000-07:00

Life's a cupcake. Heh, so random XD Enjoyed this piece of Heaven on Wednesday, 30th September, one of the most kick@$$ muffins i have EVER had! Slightly crunchy on the outside and REALLY fluffy in the inside~ With generous amount of chocolate chips to boot! (God bless the people walking aorund KDU College to sell this XD)

~I'm Bluffin' with my muffin ~(A line from Lady Gaga's Pokerface)

Anyway, can I say that I've given up on A Thing Called Love? (A Thing Called Love is a song in Dance Dance Revolution Supernova 2 by the way, random info heh) It's due to circumstances which I find difficult to explain. But feelings for you will still be strong for now and I'm trying my very best to erase my memories of you. The more I think, the more needles I can literally feel in my Heart.

Don't get me wrong, i don't regret you being a part of my life. In fact, you were the best thing in my life. Losing you and not having your Heart belonging to me pains me.

I do sound like a love-sick moron, but that is just how Wilson Wong Fu Sheng is.He does remarkable things in the name of love, just ask him =)

Well, things just didn't work out. We're probably just not meant to be, for now.

I'm more worried about keeping my scholarship from being taken away. Which means maintaining good grades. Which means discipline to study EVERYDAY (which I lack by the wayX)).

Perhaps when things are more settled and you've found your heart, the feelings that you want to feel, then perhaps you can approach me or not if you wish. As the person who can really touch your heart and have that much patience might please you more than I can ever do. If that's the case, forgetting me might be best solution.

Just some philosophy:

I, Wilson Wong Fu Sheng can almost always get what I want (owing to the fact I want simple things), but what I get, doesn't "get" me.

Maybe life really is a cupcake? Maybe I should stop searching/looking for cupcakes and let the cupcakes come to me instead.

So much for revived blog - DDR Biasness!

2009-09-10T07:56:00.000-07:00

Reasons for lack of update:
1) Busy
2)No mood
3)Have stuff too personal to comment in my blog

Went for a jog at 5.45pm (ya, me too, I'm like WTF). I haven't been jogging for a month. You could say while MSN with someone, this person inspired/motivated me to get fitter than my current state. LOLZ

My other exercise regime would include only DDR-ing (lol but at least it WORKS), and I can only DDR at home in Kajang or Sunway Pyramid or Alamanda.

Which REMINDS me!

The places in Klang Valley/KL which have DDR in the malls which i know of is ONLY Sunway Pyramid (DDR Extreme)/Alamanda (DDR 3rd Mix).

Mid Valley - DUN HAVE
Times Square - DUN HAVE
Sg. Wang - DUN HAVE
One Utama - DUN HAVE
Tropicana City Mall - DUN HAVE
South City Plaza - DUN HAVE

*Ipoh Jusco - DUN HAVE (hell, yeah, i even went here when visiting my grandma)

Though they have some DDR rip-off (A rip-off of DDR's intellectual property) Para Para and that Hand game thingy, its just not as fun as DDR.

So, please if anyone has ANY IDEA anywhere else there is DDR in Klang Valley, please do not hesitate to inform me!

Signing off,
WWFS

Love - Say Only What You Mean

2009-07-23T08:54:00.001-07:00

Once again, philosophy time!

When two people are in love and commit themselves to each other, they say a lot of things to please each other and to make each other happy. Hence, at times, they won't be able to help saying "I love you forever", which sounds sweet and all, but the biggest thing that comes to mind is whether that person truly means it from the bottom of their heart or not.

When saying such things one will be subjected to responsibility and must fulfill the promises mentioned, otherwise it will remain as nothing more than just words. Meaning if one says it, one must act accordingly.

Wounds that won't heal

2009-07-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

At times, when i thought a wound is in the middle of healing, it really wasn't. In reality the wound only continued bleeding and bleeding. Till I experience unconsciousness from the lost of blood. It is only then I need serious treatment to heal the would, where at that very moment , my life was hanging by intravenous saline solution injection into my the underside of my wrist.

Bedridden, I thought to myself, on the things that I have done to the extent of actually deserving all this. Devils and Demons alike smirk and laugh at my disability to move freely during that moment. What else would I have to hold on to? To live for? Given all I whom I assumed would be by my side left me before the end of my journey.

I have just enough energy to forcefully remove the injection and end my life just like that. With that, no more pain, no more suffering. Should I?

Red Day!

2009-07-14T03:02:00.001-07:00

It's Red Day!

On hold a sec, its not associated with any global international event, ie. "International Red Day". Then why do we do it? Well for the fun of it of course! (Besides the fact that we can scare the hell outta our Biology and Chemistry lecturers. Should've seen the look on his face. Priceless.) We even took snapshots of our "all red" crew, (photo courtesy of Angie)

I was kinda sick of KDU Squares expensive but small servings of mixed rice. So, Leon and I decided to go to You Yie (a short walk from KDU) for lunch. Each of us paid RM 4.70 and got 2 1/2 bowls of rice (added rice) with large servings of 3 types of dishes. Was VERY satiating.

Daily things aside, time for some philosophy talk~

~Me thinks one of life's greater ordeal, is to able to not only understand one's self, but also accept one's self.~

I for one strive for recognition and to be appreciated. It gives me a feeling of satisfaction when that all the passion and effort that I put into making something happen and bear fruit. This of course applies differently for other individuals, some even believe in "Service Above Self" which is in no way right or wrong, but as long as one has stringent belief in something, that itself can be the driving force to let one live.

Lately, I'm beginning to understand myself more. Being a very emotional person, I fall in love rather easily, which I tend to mix it up with infatuation/crush. I understand the fuzzy feeling when I see certain people and should not shy away from it, as they are my genuine feelings. I should learn to except these are mine and mine alone and should not be shunned aside. Only time will tell how these minuscule feelings can develop.

Random...

2009-07-06T09:48:00.000-07:00

Had the sudden urge to blog? (looks at clock - 1.02am - crap, just a quick entry b4 sleeping)

It's like a month since my last update.. Was busy "adapting" to college (ok fine, thats a lousy excuse for "im such a lazy ARSE" so sue me =P)

Been in KDU college for a month, (including) that first week of orientation..

Adapting is no prob for me i guess, and braving through almost anything is one of my beliefs for those who know me long enough.. I mean, I could braved through KHS (Kajang High School) forest path at 3 a.m.. Yup, you heard rite, 3 a.m.. I had to go back from after visiting our St. John AC1 juniors' camp cuz the day after that i had to work (at 10am via walking FYI)

Well, frankly speaking, the forest has been associated with many many ghost stories, and ya, guess i ve got balls of steel/insane enough to make it through.. In one piece.. ;)

O, and the room in the student house im living in is MEANT to be a double room.. And another guy is s'pose to move in sometime soon.. But for now, I'm living alone (love me privacy much)

And i guess i should sign off now, b4 I accidentally allow myself to continue staying awake (ie facebooking and looking for tokusatsu downloads.. XD

Field Trip

2009-06-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

Today we had a field trip to the National Science Centre (kinda big for me since I have NEVER been there!)

And Mr. Jaya had to make us write a "journal" bout it after the trip, entitled "Save Our Environment", thanks a lot Mr. Jaya, we really appreciate the extra load.

The "Survival Seminar" thingie and Robotics exhibition was fun, but the aquarium was IMO the most entertaining (got to see a fish with almost the length of my height, which is 183cm btw.. Scary..)

KDU..

2009-06-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

O, ya happy birthday to June Meng yesterday..! (14th May) ^^

And happy birthday to Choo Tze Khye today..XD

Ooo, havent't touch this for a while XD

Anyways, thanks to Nan Yang Scholarship, I'm studying in KDU doing A-Levels now ^^

BUT, we had to enrol on 8th June 09, which was like, 2nd week of school holidays..

and today(15th June 09), we have some free time etc till this Friday where there will be a Treasure Hunt.. Looking forward to it XD

17 May 2009

2009-05-18T00:47:00.000-07:00

15 May 2009
=========

WoOhoO! Happy Birthday to Chee Hao and Arvinth!

Later in the evening went to Green Box to celebrate Chee Hao's birthday. Daniel, Mikha, June Meng, Chee Hao (duh) and I went at 'bout 4.30pm.

Here and there there were some who sang off key (myself included =P) but more importantly, was the courage to stand up, sing and have one hell of a good time!

And believe it or not, we sang till 8pm AND still wanted to continue singing! Guess everyone had a good time? ^_~

[Note: Today was the first time I went to sing karaoke with my close friends! Had a blast.. Really did ^^ Cuz before this was going to Karaoke with family which had a lot of restrictions like songs with no swear words and explicit vids lol]

13 May 2009

2009-05-13T02:04:00.000-07:00

12 May
=====

Went to Nan Yang Saing Pau Scholarship interview in KDU College, Petaling Jaya. (Which means I could skip Form 6 orientation, which was an effing bore, said my friends)
Whew, I almost got lost there, when taking LRT there.. XD
Guess it went well, I gave all plausible reasons on why I deserve, of course it's a tough battle, to convince them to pick me, out of almost a hundred people who applied?
Really hope I could get my hands on this scholarship! =P *Keep fingers crossed!*

I was texted by my friend that we had to bring our PJ clothes for the next day (for sukaneka), and I thought, "Hey, I could use a sweat!"

13 May
=====

Third Day of Form 6 Orientation (Second for me~ Teehee) today. (Upper Six joined us)
We had sukaneka with no sukan, football, basketball, pundi kacang, etc.. Amazing how it could be pulled off? Easy. This sukaneka included ice-breaking, and team mini games. If your unlike me who don't sweat easily, doing these games don't help with "exercise", since we sweat in the hall due to poor air-conditioning in the bloody hot dewan, and not from vigorous movements!

But, that aside, it was quite fun, and after recess it was just us Lower Six students having to listen to another bloody boring ceramah.
Oh, and did I mention all lof us sang Warisan and did the Chicken Dance? (and this is somehow suppose to help us with adapting to Form 6? Okay, whatever you say~)
Entertaining though, nonetheless.

11 May 2009

2009-05-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

10 th May
=======

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers in the world!

Well, personally, ever since I've learned how to write, I manage to make a Mother's Day card every year!
A splendid personal achievement, I believe?

Well, this Sunday, was kinda like any other Sunday, go to the market and Tesco and marketing (as usual)
And cooked lunch and dinner (like I usually do too, my bro helps occasionally)

And tonight.. The yum cha session was cancelled as well.. ^^"
Prepared for Form 6 tomorrow! Just only ironed my clothes right before sleeping! =P

11th May
=======

Woke up this morning and couldn't find my SURAT TAWARAN FOR FORM 6!!!
"I'M SCREWED!!!" I thought to myself, and it was already 8.30 am

Ransacked the whole house to find it, and rupa-rupanya I left it in the cupboard.. =.=

Walked to school (still can make it, not late yet!)

And.. Met Daniel and June Meng who was back from NS! JM became much darker dy lu.. and Daniel too!
There, Chin, Ng and Cheah are going to Form 6 as well it seems..
So, we had a lot of catching up to do for the whole day!
Went to McDonald's to solve that problem!

(and apparently its okay if you didn't register with the surat tawaran today, cuz u can actually do it two or three days later also no problem.. =.=)

10 May 2009

2009-05-09T21:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday mornin' went to Ali Store to buy uniform for Form 6 *ughhs, and dreads*
And in the Fitting Room I met Ng Wye Kit who just so happened to be shopping for uniforms there as well!

Later in the evening, Daniel texted and asked whether wanna yum cha or not..

Me: What time?
Dan: 10pm, cool?
Me: WTF?

Not like I had a problem with goin' out late, just that it was kinda sudden @.@
And much later he called saying it's canceled because June Meng can't make it, so we made it tomorrow which is today la.. Hopefully no more changes..

Haven't seen them for a month ever since they went for NS, and I'm sure the place was fun..
Lots of complaints from trainees, I'm sure NS was very beneficial..

Hmmm, guess I'll have to ask them to confirm that XD